The Writers Guild of America is ready to go on strike(or they may already have depending on when you read this post). Hollywood is frantically buying scripts. The scriptwriting business has never been hotter! I'm talking Crazy Malibu Wildfire Hot!
Anyways...
With this in mind, I feel the time has come to post script ideas on this site as a way to let those big studio types to know that there are countless want-a-be writers out there who would kill to see their ideas on the big screen(including yours truly).
Let's start!
Today's movie idea is a simple one. As of late, Hollywood has been creating a lot of remakes. In the past several years we have seen Halloween, Flight of the Phoenix, The Omen, The Heartbreak Kid, Alfie, The Italian Job, Guess Who('s Coming to Dinner), 3:10 to Yuma, Texas Chainsaw Massacre and so on. Obviously they are making money, which is why there are so damn many on them. So, I went into my collection of old movies and I looked for movies I felt deserved a remake; I narrowed it down to two possible titles. One of these was The Human Tornado starring Rudy Ray Moore(for personal reasons) and the other was The Toy.
For those who don't remember The Toy, Jackie Gleason is a rich family man who decides to buy his son, Eric any toy he wants. The son, naturally overlooks the Atari 2800 and decides to adopt a black man who is down on his luck named Jack played by Richard Pryor. As you all can guess, hilarity ensues. Jack and Eric perform wild antics around the mansion that are on par with any episode of Mr. Bean(minus the overextended use of the laugh track). In the end, we all learn a valuable lesson. Money can buy you happiness(Not Happyness).
My remake of The Toy will be in the spirit of the remake of Guess Who('s Coming to Dinner). The original is a story of a black man(played by Sidney Poitier) who is invited to meet his white girlfriend(played by Katherine Houghton)'s family(Spencer Tracy and Katherine Hepburn). This stirred a lot of controversy back in 60's due to the fact that interracial relationships was still outlawed in most southern states. This thought provoking film was later bastardized by a 2005 remake where the writers thought it would be funny to tell the same story, but change the races. Spencer Tracy was replaced by Bernie Mac and Sidney Poitier was replaced by Aston Kutcher. It made just short of 70 million dollars in America alone(Numbers don't lie, Hollywood)
With that in mind, let's talk about The Toy remake. Jackie Gleason will be replaced by the always funny Chris Rock. Chris feels emotional estranged from his son(who will probably be played by that kid from The Bernie Mac Show). Chris feels the only way to connect is to buy him anything he wants. The son naturally overlooks the Playstation 3 and decides to adopt a down on his luck man played by none other than box office favorite Adam Sandler(Oh my God, that is so money).
I just made someone a 100 million dollars just with that last paragraph. Don't believe me? Check out the gross for I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry.
And like Chuck and Larry, I will put Chris Rock and Adam Sandler through a gauntlet of unrealistic circumstance(Mostly physical comedy someone will definitely get kicked in the balls before this one is over) . The audience will howl with delight as Chris Rock lays down a slew of racially intolerant jokes at Adam Sandler's expense(I'm talking lines that make Chris Rock: Bigger and Blacker look like Sinbad: Afros and Bellybottoms). Adam Sandler will do what he does best and deliver a series of wacky voices that can be seen on any of his previous episodes of Saturday Night Live.
So, there you have it folks, with a great idea like this up for grabs, Hollywood can safely say "Go to hell, Writers Guild of America!". Hopefully Hollywood will send me a check and a letter stating "You're hired!". No? Can I at least have the check?
2 comments:
That is box office gold! It sounds like just the sort of stuff your average mouthbreathers would laugh at like hyenas.
Here's another screenplay idea: An undercover cop with a reputation as a loose cannon is assigned a straightlaced partner. At first they hate eachother but develop a grudging respect and slow blossoming friendship as they endure a series of obstacles and travails. In the end, the straightlaced cop is forced to go against regulations in order to save his good buddy. He even tells the stuffy police captain to "blow it out your ass!" I think it's a great screenplay idea, and I can't think of any films that have dealt with this kind of material before.
Damn I'm a Writer.
And to think Hollywood believes they NEED the WGA.
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