Home Alone

I love Home Alone. The basic concept that one outwits another with the help of completely asinine traps is genius. I have a few ideas for famous films that would drastically improve with the help of the Home Movie formula.

1. Amadeus

One of my all time favorite movies! In this film, super dick Antonio Salieri formulates a sinister plan to kill his rival Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart by working him to death. I think the movie would have been a lot better if Salieri decides to destroy Mozart's work through sabotage.

In this version of the film, Salieri and his henchmen try all the classic moves to ruin Mozart's greatest plays. From cutting sand bags to feeding ensemble cast members laxatives, no dirty trick is left out. Unlike the original concept for Home Alone, Salieri is thwarted as most of his dastardly deeds fail or go relatively unnoticed(I'm a big fan of laxative pranks where the two get switched and the pranksers get the wrong one. The big finale will be where Salieri puts fireworks into the brass instrument section and unintentionally produces a firework extravaganza that allows Mozart's work to go down as the greatest work ever witnessed in Vienna. Salieri gets his just desserts as well; I think there will be a part where he gets dunked with a bucket of water.

3. Saving Private Ryan

In case you missed this one, Saving Private Ryan is the story of eight soldiers paling around war torn Europe in World War 2. Their primary objective is to find some other soldier and return him back home in the states. In the climax of the film, the soldiers post a last stand as they get stuff in the middle of an all out offensive against overwhelming odds. The soldiers must also protect a bridge too.

Even though Saving Private Ryan sort of implemented Home Alone tactics(sticky bombs and Molotov cocktails), the new version will be with tactics that tickle the funny bone rather than prove tragically fatal(I admit, I laughed my ass off when the one soldier blew up because he held his sticky bomb too long). The German soldiers will still use dangerous machine guns while the Americans use only their wits and items within arms reach. The highlight of the film will be when the Americans pave the road with super glue which cause the Germans to fight barefoot on a battlefield full of broken Christmas ornaments. Another idea would be mason jars full of honey and a box full of bees.

In the end, the super evil German soldier(played by Peter Stromare) infiltrates the American defenses. He is ready to kill our heroes, but is stopped by the creepy next door neighbor with the snow shovel. This will give us the classic message that you can't judge a book by it's cover... unless they are Nazis.